


Never Reaching Home

by purplenerd777



Series: Stories from Starfinder [1]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, returning home but home isn't the same, smugglers that pretend they don't care but actually do, takes place when you get your ship back on odessen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:46:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5827417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplenerd777/pseuds/purplenerd777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Sillani finally has her ship returned to her after five years, but she soon finds that it is no longer the home it was before she left. Lana is there to attempt to provide comfort but the memories still threaten to overwhelm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Reaching Home

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from a Herman Hesse quote.

“I’ve got a present for you.” Theron said, smiling, turning to watch the Captain’s face.

“My people?” Sillani questioned, cautious optimism coming through her voice despite her attempt to rein it in.

“No but-“ Theron’s smile turned sad as he saw the Captain’s face fall minutely, attempting to keep her emotions off her face.

“You risked your neck to pick up this piece of garbage?” Visz asked over Theron’s holo-communicator as an XS Corellian freighter came in low over the horizon.

Sillani could feel her stomach clench as she watched _Starfinder_ land, she had almost forgotten how good she looked flying.

“Don’t knock my ship, if you want yours left intact.” Sillani threatened attempting to appear her normal blasé self.

“And Doctor Oggurobb, wanted to see you.” Theron reported, watching the strained smile that pulled across the Captain’s face and stretched her scar.

“I’ll get to him after I make sure Visz didn’t touch anything on my ship.” Sillani stated as she walked off in the direction of the landing pad.

“I think it was urgent, Commander.” Theron mentioned, dogging the Captain’s determined footsteps

“And you can tell that fat slug to wait, I’ll get there when I get there.” Sillani growled spinning on her heels, hand quickly reaching for her blaster only halting to settle just above it, Theron backing off as she did so, not needing to be force-sensitive to realise she would shoot if pushed. She turned around and continued off toward her ship, “And when am I no longer Captain?” She hissed, leaving Theron to stare as she walked backed to her prized possesion, as anyone she passed gave her a wide berth.

“Is she alright?” Lana asked dissolving out of the shadows.

“She would say yes.” Theron muttered walking away from the Sith, back toward the map in the war room.

“Are you going to leave her alone?” Lana queried, following Theron.

“Might be for the best.” Theron stated zooming in on the Core worlds.

“I will check on her.” Lana stated. Before she moved away she looked at the worlds Theron had focused on. “I’ve already sent my people to those worlds, have yours check the outer rim.” Lana called as she walked away.

* * *

 

Sillani approached _Starfinder_ haltingly. It was funny, she had been away from her ship for more time than when Skavak stole it, yet this wasn’t a homecoming in the same way. She had desperately, achingly missed her ship that time, as if her right hand had been cut off. She had been pissed and at that time her ship was the only thing that had mattered. But as she climbed up the ramp to enter the ship for the first time in five years, she couldn’t feel like she was coming home. The people who had come to make that ship home were no longer there.

Entering her old code the door hissed open and she climbed the stairs to enter her ship. But it didn’t feel the same, there was no annoying but familiar chime of a droid only good for ship cleaning duties, they were too busy bringing comfort to all of Odessen to keep her little freighter tidy anymore. Walking past the engine room, there was no quiet conversation from a consoling queen and an uncooperative hyperdrive.  Striding past the crew quarters she noticed with a chill down her spine that the entire room was cleaned out, it looked like it did 10 years ago, before Ord Mantell before she had anyone to keep anything there. The storage hold was clear of a con-artist hiding from ship duties. The leisure area also lacked a shaggy follower.

On her approach to the bridge she slowed her approach. Taking a deep breath she readied herself, and she still felt the wind leave her as she saw the first mate’s chair empty. She felt a bigger blow to her gut than when Arcann stabbed her with his blasted lightsabre. Sitting down in the captain’s chair she rested her head in her hands.

_“You don’t sleep in the Captain’s Quarters?”_

_“Nothing more comfortable then falling asleep in the captain’s chair watching the hyperspace go by.”_

_“Doesn’t seem that way.”_

_“Believe me Farmboy, I’ll make a spacer out of you.”_

“Commander-“  
“Captain.” Sillani corrected the Sith, who had come aboard her ship without permission, _there was a day she’d be shot for that_ a quiet voice in the back of Sillani’s mind supplied.

“Captain?” Lana questioned, wondering why the tattooed smuggler cared so much about a title.

“On this ship, when I’m not in front of them. I’m Captain. I’ll take this stupid leadership role you, Koth, Theron all forced me into-“

“We never-“

“I’m not complaining, I’ve been put in situations like this for the past 10 years, more I try to stay out of this business of saving the Republic or Galaxy the more I seem to be pulled back in. And stars help me I can’t stop, not when I’ve developed a conscience." _Rediscovered_ a different male voice drawled. "But I’m Captain. On this ship, I’m Captain, you can’t take that away from me.” Sillani continued quietly, but still managing to cut Lana off.

Lana stood quietly for a moment, looking around at the Captain’s old life, what she saw helped her understand. She saw a worn chair and a scuffed up control panel. “Can I sit?” Lana asked motioning toward the chair at the Captain’s right.

Cracking her eye open, Sillani shrugged. “I guess out of everyone you deserve to sit there.”

“Deserve to?” Lana asked gracefully sitting down, feeling small in the imprint of someone with the build of a trooper.

“First mate’s chair.” Sillani explained, dragging her gloved hand over her face, stretching her scar and pulling her tattoos.

“And I deserve it.” Lana repeated attempting to bring the Captain back.

“Saved my life, kept saving it.” A pause. “No one else is using it.” Sillani said, no longer caring if she came off as too soft anymore.

“I appreciate it.” Lana said.

_“Appreciate it.”_

_“Appreciate what?”_

_“Letting me stay.”_

“I’ll go talk to Doctor Oggurobb soon.” Sillani said, a dismissal if Lana ever heard one.

“I’ll let him know to expect you.” Lana said rising from her chair, not her chair, someone else who she was just borrowing from, pausing, hand hovering indecisively over the still hunched over Captain.

“Thanks.” Sillani muttered, sensing the struggle the Sith was facing.

Knowing the Captain wouldn’t want it dragged out anymore Lana left the ship, bumping into a knee high creature climbing up the ramp.

All of a sudden it began chattering to the Sith in a language unknown to Lana. “The Captain is inside if you want to talk to her.” The creature bowed and continued past the Sith.

Just as Sillani had worked up the energy to go visit Doctor Oggurobb  and see what he wanted she heard the sound of small soft familiar footsteps. “ _Captain I have returned to the ship, I am sorry to have abandoned your prized possession but adventure called and many enemies needed to be defeated!”_

“Don’t worry about it Treek.” Sillani called standing up to greet the small creature.

“ _But now I have heard of your biggest enemy of all, this new emperor will be defeated between the two of us.”_ The small warrior paused _“I have heard of his strength we will need many songs to sing of how we defeat him._ ”

“I bet we will.” Sillani conceded, leading Treek to the crew quarters. “You can set back up in here, you got your pick of the bunks, feel free to choose any of them.”

“ _Am I the first one back?”_ Treek questioned, entering the crew quarters.

“Yup.” Sillani replied leaving Treek to get settled.

“ _Have your followers gotten in touch using the net you attempted to teach me of before you left.”_   Treek queried, and for a second time that day someone followed Sillani when all she wanted was to be left alone.

A pause. Checking to make sure her personal holo was in her pants pocket, “No.”

“ _Then shall we go on adventures to get them back? I will follow by your side wherever you lead. Our friends shall not stay hidden for long.”_

“We aren’t going to look for them.” Sillani stated simply, doubling back to see if any of her possessions were left in her old quarters. Stopping dead in her tracks when she saw a bottle of Corellian red sitting on her bed with a box of truffles from Naboo resting next to it.

“ _Why?_ ”

“Because they don’t want to be found right now.” Sillani explained as silent tears fell down over her cheek tattoos, and she swore she could feel them burn over the two most recent ones.

_Her head was rested on his broad chest, his strong arms wrapped around her torso, idly tracing her recent tattoo, adjacent to old ones that marked her as an adult._

_“If anything happens we split, you do what you have to survive. Look after yourself, don’t get yourself in anymore danger—“_

_“I will.”_

_“Take credits from my funds, divide it in the crew, don’t let any of them get it in their heads they have to stay behind for some sort of deluded sense of loyalty. I won’t-”_

_He placed a soothing kiss to her forehead. “I will.”_

_She glanced up at him to make sure he was being honest. “I will, trust me Captain.” He repeated a gentle smile gracing his face._

_“Don’t call me Captain here.” She murmured leaning up to return his kiss._

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and thanks for reading another story of mine. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
